Gender identity is how someone feels about their gender assignment.
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Sexual orientation, being lesbian, gay, bisexual or straight refers to who you are attracted to. So if you have an FTM partner, you could definitely identify as straight , even if he has biologically female anatomy, since his gender identity is male. Those terms are a little different that bisexual, which refers to people who are attracted to both men and women.
A reader named Harley explains it like this: He is a man in his mind completely. You are a straight woman attracted to a masculine man. Just because he was born with the wrong parts doesn't mean that he is less a man than a man born with all the male parts. Just like some are born with missing body parts such as an arm, or some are born with an extra thumb, FTM's are just born with the mind of a man and our body doesn't match up with our mind.
Look at intersexed people. Born with both genders. It is life. If you have feelings for him. Don't hold back because of the way he was born. Love him for the man he is. It can be hard to label your sexual orientation when you have a transgender partner, so if you don't feel like doing so right now, that's okay.
But you might also want to think about why having a lesbian identity seems so uncomfortable you. Doing so might challenge some of the ideas that you have about what it means to be a lesbian. Consequently, I ended up fucking with a lot of people who did not respect me. And then regular dates, which were rarer, where a guy met me for dinner or coffee or something. The men of the first category were straight or bi and usually on the down low. They were often unstable and disrespectful.
The men in the latter group were gay, bi, queer, pansexual cis boys who might have wanted to get to know me. They terrified and bored me. And often, they were equally offensive. When I was in high school and my early 20s, I dated girls. That was when nobody saw me as a boy. Once people did, my sexuality seemed to do a My first real boy-crush was on a fellow trans guy in college. We instead had a tragic Brokeback Mountain-esque affair; he had a girlfriend he was cheating on.
Am I a Lesbian If I Have an FTM Partner?
After that, I started with cis men, and similarly, it was usually a disaster. After leaving college and coming back to Syracuse, I became pretty jaded by my repeated interactions with insensitive and clueless cisgender men. But my perspective has broadened. I now think about dating while trans in terms of how I treat others — in addition to how they treat me. Suddenly, with Joey, the tables were turned. I found myself having to watch what I said and apologize for cissexist comments. As a trans person, I was not exempt.
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The pivotal moment for me came on our trip to Boston. It is hard to write about, because I do not come off looking good. Drunk and messed up after giving a triggering reading at an open-mic, I said to my boyfriend, who I love dearly, that I wished he just had a big dick to fuck me, and that it was easy.
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It was a drunk, misguided attempt at flirtation, believe it or not. Nevertheless, I shamed him for his body. But this situation led to many big, difficult discussions and a lot of tears. We came pretty close to the end of what had been a great, loving relationship. I had to get to know him and learn what language made him comfortable.
And so it took holding two seemingly opposing truths in my head at once: I love Joey, and his body, just as he is. And at the same time, his ideal image of his body is more sexually appealing to me. More Radical Reads: But is it really just trans people who deal with this? I just wanted him to be comfortable.